i had one of the more disturbing experiences in the classroom today. the final two stories i am teaching in this course are very difficult--formally, conceptually, and ultimately psychologically, especially for anyone in tune with issues of race, sex, gender, state power, and history. (broad enough for you?) today's story is the less provocative of the two, far less, i would say, because the narrative does not involve you sharing the consciousness of a deplorable person but is an outside (though close) perspective of a deplorable person. the two stories work nicely together, historically, formally, and psychically--thus i chose to teach them together. i also thought that after a semester of grappling with all sorts of complex and heated issues, these stories that hit closer to home in so many ways would be read with a tad bit more distance and critical eye.
i should also say that i've taught both of these stories, i think, six or seven times before and so know them well and have already trial-and-error-ed the possible pit-falls.
which is why i was extremely taken aback by the student in my class today who spent the first 30 minutes mumbling under her breath, looking extremely angry, though not speaking much. now here is the problem: i cannot tell if she was responding to the story, to my pedagogy, or to the fairly simple, conservative, white male student responding.
i only know that when i read a portion of the work out loud, and when i came to the word "nigger," that very shortly afterward she abruptly picked up her belongings and left the class. now, not that long before this, i asked if she wanted to contribute something because i could see her mumbling and honestly disrupting other students. she shook her head and said somewhat bitterly, "i'm alright."
this is not behavior i would have anticipated from her or anyone else. my classroom discussions are most often heated, most often (a product of the material) directly engage issues that make people feel uncomfortable. my women's studies classes are virtual minefields of potential problems, and yet, such have not occurred in the past.
i've written the student to ask to speak about it and have not yet heard. i feel really awful, upset, concerned, confused, and also a bit irritated. the first part: because the last thing i would ever want to do is make anyone feel objectified or humiliated by virtue of the material i taught or the discussion i allowed; irritated because i don't think either the material or the conversation did this. most upset because i don't know why i have not heard back as of yet.
i have been intellectually, politically, and personally committed to teaching histories and literatures of race since i began teaching, since i began reading and thinking. maybe because of my own immersion i do so in a pretty straight-forward manner. there is only one piece i usually teach, the next one in this class, that i allow an extra day to process, for students to talk about randomly and emotionally, because it is just. that. awful. but because i am a teacher of literature, i always pull back to the formal structure, to the literary intervention, to the historical conversation. because this, it seems to me, mediates some of the horror. though not a lot.
this is the first time i've been in a position to ponder whether i should teach this material. despite the fact that it is standard literature, despite the fact that i believe it should be taught.
and i feel a bit lost. not what i expected in the last two weeks of the semester.
Monday, November 26, 2007
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8 comments:
I hear ya --- teaching this stuff is never easy, and students want everything to be easy rather than challenging or wrenching. I think it is totally important and worth being taught, and should be taught, regardless of how students respond.
It's funny how you can do the exact same thing in a different class and have such different results ---- it's what makes teaching both so maddening and so worthwhile (and what makes it more of an art than a science).
Now I'm curious which stories they were!
You never know what went on in your student's life before entering your class that might make certain topics more difficult for her than for others. Perhaps she has traumatic associations with the word "nigger." I think you've done the right thing by encouraging her to talk to you about it, but try not to take it personally.
I had a not dissimilar reaction to Lolita the first time I participated in a class discussion on it. I've loved that novel ever since I first read it at fourteen or whatever, and I loved the class I read it for in college, but it does have a tendency to get under one's skin. When I TA'd it for frosh the following year, the professor suggested we start the first class purging general reactions. I said, "Be careful what you ask." She looked perplexed. "You never know what a student's background with these things might be." She was flabbergasted -- she had never thought about what it might be like to read Lolita as a survivor of sexual assault.
You never know. So, probably, you needn't take responsibility for the student's behavior, or feel that you caused her to feel badly -- but you do need to be sensitive. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job.
It's commendable that you're so concerned, but to me it just sounds like you're doing your job. You're SUPPOSED to make students uncomfortable. It's not always pleasant, but there it is.
I'm not entirely on board with arbitrista here. In my experience (mainly with women's/gender studies stuff), there is some very serious potential for not only intellectual "discomfort" but also PTSD-like reactions (i.e., TRAUMA) to certain material.
I think you did exactly the right thing by attempting to follow up with the student, and you should continue to try to speak to her.
Also, I would ask: How did you preface the reading/lesson? Because sometimes setting the lesson up in a certain way (and setting up the opportunity to come and speak with you prior to the lesson) can mitigate an awful lot of this stuff.
I live in an area where race is a lot more uncomfortably an issue than it used to be in other places I've lived. And this semester, I had two ocassions to be uncomfortable with the discussion. I grew up in mostly black communities, teach minority lit, have studied with black professors who challenged me (us) with the idea that it is even more insulting to use "the n word" as though someone is just "too sensitive" to handle the history and weight of the word.
This prefaces that I was using a student essay where the student refers to a playwright as having been called nigger. I forgot the word was even IN the essay, but was blithely reading it aloud as an example of the type of critical work I was hoping for the students to do. I saw the word ahead and apologized for it, but still felt very uncomfortable that I may have upset a student or two. And then, teaching Flannery O'Connor, well. Any lit teacher can tell you what that can entail.
And I have had some RISKY lesson plans in the past-- I have this one where we write "beautiful" and "ugly" words on the board (including as ugly as they can get... last semester someone went to a level of ugly I usually don't get till late in the class after about 10 seconds; he must have been waiting to say that word all day). But the race thing can be difficult, and frustrating. You want to tell students your whole history of research and understanding, that you're trying to provide thought, not using the words in a hateful way, but for some people there is just no neutral ground yet. But you may be the first person to have shown her that it is a word that OUGHT to be discussed, defused, removed of its power to hurt.
Anyway. I dunno. I haven't yet taught the REALLY racially charged stuff yet. But if I get this job, I will soon. We'll see what happens THEN!
Also, it does sound to me like you've handled it as best as you can. It could have had nothing to do with your discussion (she may have just been having a bad day). Don't give up trying to contact her yet. Maybe take her aside befor the next class?
In my Critical Thinking class, I have a lecture on language which has a section that deals with the word "nigger". Prior to my current job, I taught at a two year college with a high percentage of minority students. It actually went over well, but I think it was in the presentation. I tried to keep it light and honestly asking what the students felt about the word and having them discuss it.
That being said, I think it is a tough area to cover. I think you did the right thing by trying to reach out to the student. I would try and talk to her again, but if she does not respond, I would not push her.
Part of college is being challenged about our thoughts and beliefs. But there has to be a balance between challenge and stress.
After these good comments, all I can add is to say that reaching out to her is all that you could do.
Am I the only one who doesn't say the n-word in class when it's in the readings? I tell students I refuse to say it. Usually, they follow suit.
You're right to follow up with her. I know some people are saying not to make it easy on her, but she could very well be having a PTSD-type experience. She could have had African-American friends beaten in high school in front of her (as I had a white woman describe in class once while crying).
Her response may have been quite sane and appropriate. And your style of teaching this may have been quite sane and appropriate.
Touching base with her is key.
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